As I sit here, laptop open, surrounded by job applications in my childhood bedroom with a heavy sense of uncertainty, I can’t help but feel like I’m trapped in the post-grad purgatory. The transition between academia and adulthood has proven to be quite difficult, leaving me stuck in this weird limbo.
At first, the months following graduation felt like an extended vacation, a much needed break from the burnout I felt after the many years of school. I was able to spend time traveling, seeing friends and relaxing. However, as the initial excitement wore off, reality began to set it in. I soon became stressed, anxious and unsure about what my future would look like.
Up until this point, there always seemed to be a predetermined next step in my life. From elementary school, I would go to middle school, then to high school and finally college. Now without an obvious next step, I feel lost. How do I go about deciding the start of the rest of my life?
However, I also feel exhilarated at the same time. The idea that I can decide exactly what I want my life to look like going forward is exciting. I can do anything, go anywhere!
I could become an au pair abroad in Spain or Italy. I could work as a ski instructor for a winter at a ski resort in Colorado. I could work on a ranch, riding horses all day. I could teach English in Thailand. I could start a traditional job in New York City, or Chicago or Austin or San Francisco. My possible paths seem endless.
After the excitement of doing anything subsides, I come circling back to feeling overwhelmed and stressed. There’s too many things I want to do! Too many places I want to live! What do I do first? Where do I go first? Which path do I take?
I can’t help but think of the fig tree quote from Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. The main character, Esther, invisions her future as a fig tree, with every fig representing a different opportunity she can pursue in life. This limitless amount of possibilities seems great at first. However, Esther becomes overwhelmed and paralyzed, unable to make a decision. I can see this fig tree in front of me and yet I feel paralyzed.
While I am still trying to work through this decision paralysis, I find myself getting too comfortable in a routine in my hometown. As more time passes, my life seems to be wasting away. I feel behind in life. It has been hard to go on dates, go outside my comfort zone and just live my life independently.
Wallowing in my childhood home, it has become easy to compare myself to others. Most of my home friends have moved away to other cities. I constantly see a new LinkedIn post of someone announcing their new job or an Instagram post showcasing someone’s cool new adventure they are on. It seems as though everyone else is living their dream life, but me.
As you can see, it can be easy to spiral into negative thoughts during this time of unknowns, especially while living at home. But, social media is deceptive. Just because someone may have gotten the job or taken the leap to live in another city, doesn’t necessarily mean they are happy. Everyone graduating college and entering adulthood will experience a weird or rocky transition. It will take time to adjust to this new chapter and that’s ok. Some people might adjust quicker than others, but everyone will find their way eventually. (I’m trying to remind myself of all of this.)
I know I have painted the post-grad purgatory up until this point as a very scary place. While it can be at times, it is also wonderful. I get to spend more time with my family and my pets. I will probably never live with my brothers or parents like this again. It’s a joy to be a part of the everyday moments I missed out on while I was in college.
I get to experience my hometown from a different perspective. There are so many coffee shops, restaurants and workout classes that I never got to explore before. There are old friendships I get to revisit and surprisingly new people I have met.
I’m also grateful that I get to slow down. College was so fast paced with classes and social events. Don’t get me wrong, I loved college and fast pacing living, but it’s nice to be able to slow down every once and a while. I get to wake up and just read a book. I have had the ability to pick up some fun hobbies. I finally am able to learn how to play the guitar that’s been sitting around my house. And I am finally learning German, a language my mom is fluent in and grew up speaking.
In between being stressed and anxious about the future, I urge you to cherish the present moments.
I hope this post can serve as a reminder to anyone else feeling stuck in the post-grad purgatory, that you are not alone. There is no set timeline in the grand scheme of life. You are exactly where you need to be. There are so many opportunities waiting for us: new places to see, new people to meet and new jobs to be had. You have so much time to experience everything you want to experience. You will be okay.
Excited to see what the next chapter holds for all of us!